


You're not a curse, you're not too much

by chelouis



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Depressive Episode, M/M, and somehow it's me reaching out again, but it has a hopeful ending, it has a happy ending, this is mostly me self projecting onto eliott, this is short but i just wanted to get it out, well as happy as a depressive episode can get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 11:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21373750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelouis/pseuds/chelouis
Summary: There were happier days and then there were days like today, days where Eliott felt like everything was suffocating him, where he felt overwhelmed by all his emotions.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	You're not a curse, you're not too much

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in no way an expert in depressive episodes and I don't claim to be one. This is just what I feel like, what goes through my head, I'm using this to cope with my emotions right now. I wish I had a Lucas to hold onto but alas I don't so this is what I did.
> 
> To anyone who is going through something, whatever it is: what you feel is valid. you'll make it through this at your own time. and you are NEVER alone.
> 
> Title is from 'Wildfire' by SYML.

There were happier days and then there were days like today, days where Eliott felt like everything was suffocating him, where he felt overwhelmed by all his emotions.

He felt it slowly creep up inside of him days before it finally hit him full force. Knowing the bad days are coming and not being able to stop or slow them down, to somehow weaken the impact, seems like one of the worst curses in the world. Everyone else around him looked like they could simply move on day by day while he got stuck in his bad days, which then seemed to last forever, like there had never been a good day ever before.

On these days Eliott tended to lie in bed all day, without eating and barely drinking anything. And then there was Lucas. Of course he made sure Eliott had everything he needed or gave him everything he asked for, if he ever asked for anything that is. Lucas didn’t drown him with questions asking him how he is all the time, he waited for Eliott to reach out again and only once or twice asked if there was anything he could do.

Today though Eliott didn’t even want anyone with him in the same room, not even Lucas. Sometimes even one person felt too much, too overwhelming, too energy draining, so he told Lucas to stay out of their shared bedroom for a while. “It’s okay, Eliott. Take all the time you need. I’m here if you need me.”, Lucas had answered him and Eliott could only nod before he went to their bed.

Most of the day Eliott spent sleeping, sleep was easy, sleep didn’t require him to think. The moments he was awake however… he thought of everything and nothing all at once. God, why couldn’t his mind just leave him alone, just this once? And one thought, one doubtful question like this triggered another question which then triggered another and then another and another, another another another. (“Why do I have to go through this? Maybe I deserve it. Am I even allowed to complain? Others have it so much worse than me. How do I get through this minute? I don’t know how.”) It was an endless, fatal circle and it took everything inside him to somehow stop or get out.

Suffocating and overwhelming.

The day went on, asleep or not. And sometimes, unfortunately not always, he was lucky enough to have brief moments to breathe, just a few minutes were enough. Which was what happened when he reached for his phone to look at the time. 22:24. It was late and he knew Lucas wouldn’t come sleep in their bed with him, he always respected Eliott’s wish to be alone but he knew both of them could sleep better at night when they held onto each other. All Eliott had the energy for to send was a simple ‘:)’ text to Lucas, he knew Lucas would understand, their minds were just in sync like that. Of course he was right, because a few seconds later he heard him softly knock on the bedroom door.

No words were spoken once Lucas entered the room. There weren’t any necessary, at least not now. Eliott just silently made space for Lucas and opened his arms for him. Lucas fit right in them, as if he was never supposed to be anywhere else (maybe that was true) and for now, for this moment, for this minute, they only held each other.

And perhaps for this minute, life was okay.

The next minute could wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @breakalltheclocksandthemirrors.


End file.
